Through my own healing journey and psychotherapeutic work with clients, I've come to realize that trauma is often at the core of what we're addressing when we work with neurodivergent people. Trauma is any experience that overwhelms our nervous system and leaves us feeling unsafe, dysregulated, or disconnected from ourselves. It can be a single incident, like a car accident or a natural disaster. Or it can be ongoing, like bullying, systemic oppression, or chronic misattunement from the world around us.
What makes ongoing neurodivergent trauma even harder to heal from is that many of the traumas neurodivergent people experience are not acknowledged as real. It’s as if a car has hit us, we’re on the ground bleeding with many broken bones, and need to get to the hospital ASAP. But as someone approaches us, not only do they not take us to the hospital, or acknowledge our broken bones, they deny the very existence of the car that we see and experienced quite plainly. The car here represents all that is encompassed within systemic oppression, including interpersonal ableism. And when someone denies the existence of the car, as one of my clients poignantly expressed, "It's like I'm screaming that something's wrong, but it feels like nothing's coming out." This invalidation, this denial of reality, can be a profoundly devastating experience, leading to our continued retraumatization, even by those who deeply care about us.
Sensory Neurodivergence and the Landscape of Trauma
To understand the types of trauma unique to neurodivergent people, we need to first understand sensory neurodivergence and how it can increase our vulnerability to trauma. My neurodivergent colleague, Phoenix Rising, coined the term "sensory neurodivergence" to specifically encompass autists, ADHDers, and those with sensory processing differences or who are highly sensitive (HSP). The neurodiversity paradigm recognizes the diverse ways our brains are wired, celebrating these differences rather than trying to fit everyone into a single mold. A key experience of many sensory neurodivergent people is sensitivity—a heightened awareness of the world around us. This sensitivity can be a source of incredible strength, allowing us to connect deeply with others, experience the world in vivid detail, and notice patterns that others might miss. However, it also makes us more vulnerable to trauma.
The infographic below beautifully illustrates how many experiences that people may believe to be part and parcel of autism, for example, are actually trauma symptoms. For example, shame spirals could be misinterpreted as meltdowns, and a lack of stimming while considered positive by neuronormative standards, could suppress an important emotional regulation tool. As you can see, the differences are nuanced. That’s why it’s vital to learn about the signs of neurodivergent trauma to be able to accurately identify, empathize, and support neurodivergent people on their healing journey.
Below, I'll guide you through some of the unique causes of trauma in sensory neurodivergent people.
Sensory Overload: The World in Overdrive
Imagine living in a world where your senses are always turned up to eleven. The hum of the refrigerator, the fluorescent lights flickering overhead, the endless stream of traffic outside – it's like your brain is a high-definition TV with a million channels playing at once, and you can't find the remote. This is the reality for many sensory neurodivergent people. For those who don’t know they’re neurodivergent, this can make it even more insidious. We experience this modern world in vivid detail, and often, it's just too much. This makes it incredibly difficult to relax, focus, and feel safe in our own bodies. And when our nervous systems are constantly overwhelmed, without a moment to catch our breath, we experience trauma.
Social Exclusion and Isolation: The Pain of Not Belonging
Many of us crave connection, just like neurotypical people. But the social world, as it's currently structured, can be a minefield for sensory neurodivergent individuals. We might communicate directly, value authenticity over social niceties, or have different ways of expressing emotions. As the double empathy problem describes, these differences are often misinterpreted or pathologized, leading to misunderstandings, social exclusion, and even bullying. This can create a profound sense of isolation and "otherness," contributing to feelings of not belonging and impacting our self-esteem, leading to trauma.
Misattunement Trauma: The Ache of Not Being Seen
From the moment we're born, we long to be seen, understood, and responded to. This is the essence of attunement – the deep connection and resonance between two beings. But for many sensory neurodivergent individuals, this fundamental need for attunement is often unmet. It can begin with caregivers who struggle to understand our unique ways of experiencing and interacting with the world. They might misinterpret our sensory sensitivities as fussiness, our intense emotions as overreactions, or our communication differences as defiance.
This misattunement can continue throughout our lives, as we encounter teachers, friends, and a society that often expects us to conform to neurotypical norms. We might be told to "calm down," "stop being so sensitive," or "just act normal." These messages not only invalidate our experiences and leave us feeling unseen, but can also be deeply traumatic, leading to feelings of isolation, shame, and a profound sense of not belonging. It can erode our self-worth and make it difficult to trust ourselves and others.
This insightful infographic, created by AuDHDer therapist Amy Peters, visually depicts the cyclical nature of trauma that can arise from misattunement. As you can see, when our needs are consistently misunderstood and unmet, it can lead to masking, hypervigilance, and self-blame. These responses, in turn, can intensify stress and increase our vulnerability to further trauma.
Internalized Ableism: The Burden of Self-Doubt
Growing up in a world that wasn't built for us can lead to internalized ableism. We start to believe the messages we receive from society – that we're broken, deficient, or somehow “less than.” Internalized ableism can manifest in many ways, from no longer recognizing our wants or needs to suppressing our neurodivergent traits, even when they bring us joy. This constant pressure to conform, to deny our authentic selves, and to internalize the message that we are inherently flawed is a form of trauma in itself, leaving us feeling unsafe, dysregulated, and ashamed.
Executive Functioning Trauma: Beyond "Lazy" or "Defiant"
For many of us who are sensory neurodivergent, the challenges don't stop at sensory overload and social misattunement. We often grapple with executive functioning differences as well. Executive functioning is like the brain's control center, helping us plan, organize, focus, and manage our time. But for those of us who are wired differently, this control center operates differently than society wants it to.
We might struggle with things like starting tasks (hello, procrastination!), staying organized (where ARE my keys?!), remembering deadlines (oops, I missed that one), or managing our impulses (ooh, shiny!). This is often because our executive functioning prioritizes things differently than neurotypical folks. We might hyperfocus on things we're passionate about, or excel at creative problem-solving, but struggle with tasks that don't light us up.
These challenges are often misinterpreted as laziness or defiance, leading to invalidation and shame. This can be incredibly traumatic, especially for kids who are constantly criticized and pressured to conform in school. And to add insult to injury, this trauma can actually make executive functioning even harder, creating a vicious cycle of stress and dysregulation. It's like being stuck in quicksand – the more you struggle, the deeper you sink.
The Systemic Roots of Trauma
These more individual experiences of trauma are often compounded by systemic factors. Our society frequently fails to recognize and accommodate neurodivergent needs. We're often told to "just try harder" or "be more normal," which invalidates our experiences and reinforces the idea that we're somehow broken. Practices that aim to "fix" autistic behaviors can be incredibly harmful. Furthermore, because we are still experiencing harm, our nervous systems can be resistant to healing in order to continue to protect us from further invalidation and pain.
Capitalism also plays a role in perpetuating trauma. Our economic system devalues sensitivity, prioritizing productivity and conformity over well-being. This creates an environment where neurodivergent individuals often feel pressured to mask their true selves, leading to further emotional distress. We're expected to work long hours, suppress our emotions, and constantly push ourselves to be "more," even when it comes at the expense of our mental and physical health.
A Visual Summary of the Types of Neurodivergent Trauma
Below is an infographic that summarizes the 6 unique ways that neurodivergent people can experience trauma.
Building a World Free from Neurodivergent Trauma
While individual healing is essential, we also need to focus on creating a world where neurodivergent individuals experience less trauma to begin with. This means challenging ableism, advocating for neurodivergent rights, and creating a more inclusive society. It means speaking out against harmful practices and demanding accommodations in schools and workplaces. And it means creating communities where we can support each other, celebrate our strengths, and find belonging.
Conclusion: Towards a Neurodiversity-Affirming Future
So, what can we do with all of this information? How can we move towards a world that truly sees, supports, and celebrates neurodivergent individuals?
First, to my fellow neurodivergent folks: I see you. I hear you. I believe you. Your experiences are valid, your struggles are real, and your strengths are immense. You are not broken or deficient; you are beautifully and wonderfully made. Your very being—your sensitivity, your authenticity, your unique way of seeing the world—is being suppressed by a system that values your productivity and conformity over your humanity.
Second, we as a society, especially therapists, family and friends, need to acknowledge the reality of neurodivergent trauma. We need to stop denying the existence of the "car" – the systemic and interpersonal factors that cause harm. We need to listen to neurodivergent voices, validate their experiences, and believe them when they tell us they're hurting. And we need to educate ourselves in order to challenge our biases, offer real empathy, and provide access to truly neurodiversity-affirming cutting edge trauma therapy.
Further Exploration
This is just the beginning of the conversation. I plan to explore more topics related to neurodivergence, trauma, and healing in future blog posts, including a deeper dive into specific adaptations for trauma therapy with neurodivergent individuals.
In the meantime, what can you do to support yourself or the neurodivergent people in your life? Here are a few starting points:
Seek out a skilled therapist: Look for therapists who explicitly state they are "neurodiversity-affirming"and have specialized training in trauma modalities (and don’t just state “trauma-informed”).
You can reach out to me, or look through the curated list of ND-affirming trauma providers in Colorado at the bottom of this post.
I recommend looking for therapists trained in parts work modalities, such as TIST (trauma-informed stabilization treatment) or IFS (internal family systems), or somatic modalities such as sensorimotor psychotherapy. I have found these to be the most gentle and supportive modalities for healing neurodivergent trauma.
Cultivate self-compassion: Recognize that healing from trauma takes time and that it's okay to have setbacks along the way. Be gentle with yourself and celebrate your strengths and resilience. Embrace Autism has a wonderful post on self-criticism, perfectionism, and self-compassion.
Challenge internalized ableism: Identify and dismantle internalized negative messages about neurodivergence, embracing your authentic self and celebrating your strengths. The best place to start is by reading Neuroqueer Heresies by Nick Walker, she/her.
Connect with community: Finding others who understand your experiences can be incredibly validating and empowering. Seek out online or in-person communities, such as our therapy groups, where you can connect with other neurodivergent individuals.
Embrace your authentic self: Don't be afraid to express your neurodivergent traits - where it feels safe - and celebrate your unique way of being in the world. Learn more about masking/camoflauging in this post, or take the Camoflauging Autistic Traits Questionnaire.
Advocate for your needs: Practice asking for accommodations or support when you need it. You deserve to be respected and valued for who you are. A neurodiversity-affirming therapist or coach can support you in building assertiveness skills.
Ready to learn more or explore support? Feel free to reach out to me, or one of the Neurodiversity-Affirming Trauma Providers listed below. We're here to help.
Let's spread awareness and understanding! Share this post with anyone who might benefit, and feel free to leave a comment below with your thoughts and reflections.
Neurodiversity-Affirming Trauma Providers in Colorado
The therapists at Prosopon primarily work with gifted individuals, HSPs, and ADHDers, recognizing that their struggles often stem from trauma rather than neurodiversity itself.
Liz Long Rottman (she/her), the owner of Prosopon Therapy, is a Gifted/Highly Sensitive Person herself. Prosopon's approach focuses on healing trauma while honoring each person’s natural wiring, cultivating greater ease, self-trust, and alignment.
Medicaid accepted. Available in person in Boulder & online throughout Colorado.
Liz Zhou (she/her) is a holistic trauma therapist in Colorado. She is a neurodivergent (highly sensitive, autistic), cis, queer woman of color & 2nd-generation Chinese-American immigrant.
She helps highly sensitive, neurodivergent adults & couples heal their nervous systems and connect with their authentic selves. Through brain-body modalities like Brainspotting, EMDR, and IFS, she loves to help people work with their wiring, rather than against it, and feel more comfortable & confident in their own skin.
Liz offers Intensives (short-term, accelerated work) in Denver, Colorado & online. Her services are private-pay.
Instagram: @liz.holistic.therapist
Lily Duffy (they/them) is trained in Internal Family Systems and Brainspotting, two powerful neurodivergent-affirming therapeutic modalities for healing trauma that are client-led, non-pathologizing, engaging on a sensory level, highly modifiable for different neurotypes and needs, and based in curiosity and internal exploration rather than compliance.
Queer, nonbinary, and a highly sensitive AuDHDer, Lily specializes in working with high masking, late-identified neurodivergent folks who are struggling with complex trauma and exhaustion/burnout from a lifetime of masking without having received the support and accommodations they need. Their services are private pay.
Aiya Staller (she/they) is the founder of True Essence Therapy, which provides compassionate, trauma-informed & trauma focused care with a special emphasis on supporting neurodivergent individuals and those healing from complex life experiences.
They strive to create a supportive space where clients can explore their authentic selves, navigate challenges, and build resilience through personalized, creative, evidence-based, and experiential therapies. Their approach is rooted in deep understanding, acceptance, and a commitment to helping you thrive on your own terms.
Accepts Medicaid (CCHA & CoAccess Regions), private pay $150-175, and provides sliding scale options. In-person in South Boulder office, online throughout Colorado.
About Lila Low-Beinart
Lila is the founder of Divergent Paths Counseling, where she offers neurodiversity-affirming therapy and training.
She specializes in working with autistic, ADHDer, and gifted/2e girls/women and gender expansive folxs, using contemplative, parts-work, and somatic approaches to support clients experiencing depression, executive dysfunction, trauma, and relationship difficulties.
Her specialized trainings for mental health providers go beyond professional development, challenging the 'trance of normal' to foster deeper compassion and more effective support for neurodivergent clients. She also provides tailored workshops and speaking engagements to help organizations create neurodivergent-friendly environments.
To learn more about Lila and her therapy offerings and trainings, visit her website at DivergentPathsCounseling.com.
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